We've been through a rough patch for some quite time. Maybe we still on it. Guess we working on it.
I've been so busy for this past 3 months with this internship job and school. I haven't see him in two months and I think I'm getting used to, as we've been in distance for a long time and it feels like forever.
He used to be the one who acting cool all the time and I'm the one who desperately moody. But this time he's nagging a little bit much. And it's funny.
Yesterday we're having this conversation, and I'm not sure what it is.
He said, "I wanna asked you a cheesy question. But it's not a bullshit, I'm serious."
"What?" I asked, prepare myself for another jokes he might thinking of. Like the one with a housewife jobdesc and another. Well I don't always remember exactly what we talk about things and stuff, but I do know it feels good to smile whenever he acts silly.
"Be the last one." I'm not sure if it's a question or a statement. Cause he said it once already, as an statement, that he want me to. "It's a question," said he when I asked. "Please answer me."
"Nope. I don't want to."
He laugh. "Alright, I'll just go then. I'm mad at you."
"But I could be the last two person you love. Give two little space for someone else."
"For whom?"
"Our little weirdo."
"I can live with that," and I can feel his smiling to me though I don't see it. "What score I get for this cheesy conversation? I bet it's a high point."
"Seven. Good enough."
"Oh how could you get me a seven?"
"Because you're doing it over the phone and it's not romantic. I'll give you a ten when we meet."
"Then I shall asked you that question again. Please stay, I need you."
Sometimes I wonder what he sees in me. A person like me.
Seeing him being a grown up guy like that makes me feels save. Like a home. I know him long enough to understand what kind of person he is. He's so annoying. Sensitive, but he stay quiet like a wallflowers. He could be so mad that he broke something or sounds like a man in bullfighting, he could be so much pain in the ass when he didn't reply the text all day just because he was too lazy to type. And I sometimes hate the way he forgot things, like my birthday, when he actually have bought me a gift as we celebrate it one day early (and I was like, "Man, you forgot my birthday less than 12 hours after we celebrate it one day before?"). But he remember things. Mostly little things. Like my mother's favorite flower when I tell him in slight little conversation, like how I was so tired and said that's better if he's the one who work and I'll be stay-home-wife.
I never thought I could make someone that happy. Said my smile was the one thing that could lighten him up, when actually I don't even like myself, not especially my smile with these frizzle tooth I have.
Makes me thing what I've bee doing all this time, with all mixed feeling with the past who have found its future.
This road is hard. Doesn't mean it's impossible. If he believe what we've done will not be a waste, then I should too. I believe, in his faith of us.
P.s.
Playlist while writing this crap (it matters, though. Gotta make it my post signature!)
some Korean song by Standing EGG
Dead Sea - The Lumineers
Kiss Me - Ed Sheeran
Crave You - Flight Facilities ft. Giselle
Down Under (Acoustic Version) - NONONO
Pumpin Blood (Acoustic Version) - NONONO
Feels Like We Only Go Backwards - Tame Impala
